I came home tonight to the sight of a really messy home. Oh god dog hairs everywhere, no clean dishes, almost no clean clothes, and even my bedroom was untidy. I have made a point of tidying my bedroom everyday so that I have at least one place in the house to relax and chill. I make my bed every day after I have aired it. I remember as a child helping my mother to make the beds, it was lovely time just after breakfast. Smoothing out the sheets and blankets, fluffing up the pillows and smoothing out the candlewick bed spreads. Yes I was in fact born in the 1960s and soon I might even admit my real age publicly, I have been 37 for quite a while now. I made a list, some time ago, of the basic things I needed in relation to housework that was the minimum I needed not to feel stressed when I came in home.
1) welcoming and calm porch
2) bike put away
3)clean and well stocked kitchen
4) almost empty laundry basket
5)almost full wardrobes and drawers
6) clear hall stairs and landing
7)some completed some uncompleted projects
8)cosy front room
9)creative space room /dining room
10) bedroom lovely and welcoming
When I arrived home today the porch was like a bomb had hit it, the bike abandoned by the front door, chaos in the kitchen and almost no food except for the ingredients to make cookies, two overflowing laundry hampers, clean cloths in baskets and almost empty wardrobes, and generally a home in need of care. For the last two weeks things have been a little chaotic, lots of events and a huge wake up call for me in terms of my children's behavior. A clean home is important but I forgot the motto of balance, I forgot to do the things that have helped me to get well, Routine, caring for myself , my family and my home, aiming for average, not too high and not too low, avoidance of extremes. Oh god I thought as I came in the door am I back at square one again. Here I am overdoing things and neglecting the cleaning again. I wondered if the neglect was a sign of me reaching the top of the abyss again. But I have come so far from that abyss I can almost no longer remember it. I have learned the lessons of asking for help, I have learned to use the times of good energy levels to prepare for the times of depletion. I am now almost at a point financially that things will be tight but while I discussed this with my brother I recalled that I put a contingency plan in place a few weeks ago in the even that I would not be ready to return to work. I prepared a file on all the cut backs necessary and a list of who to contact on what. I can ask someone to help me implement that. I have also been able to ask people to help me clean the house. I do not feel embarrassed to say my energy levels are low today, I am drained I need to replenish myself can you please help me to tidy up.
I have come to realise that I am not wonder-woman but I can when the need arises put on my giant blue knickers, pick up my lasso of truth and tap into her spirit. She was in fact created to inspire girls. I loved that programme as a child and it is so different from some of the less than positive messages children receive today. Today they are overly sexualized at a young age and I will leave the rant about this to another time and another blog when I am fully recovered.
One of the lessons that I learned is to let time pass. Time is a great healer and trying to rush a return to health is a mistake. Hurry up and get better is not something many health care professionals will say , generally it is take your time and you will get better. So I am almost better now. I have been at 99.999% better for so long. I have tried to force the .001% but it has proved to be elusive. It is hiding for me until I can apply the recovery lessons to all aspects of my life and I become a fully integrated person. Compatmentaliseing my life was the way I coped for so long, probably because I was not fully comfortable to me this me to everyone. Yes I am a bit innocent and gullible, yes I have slightly unusual ideas, yes I do not follow the traditional role for women, yes I am a poor money manager, yes I take too much on, yes I only see the good in others, yes I am very rigid in my views sometimes, yes I have some strange hobbies but that all goes up to make me the person I am. I am totally crap at housework but I am good at home-caring. If we change our vocabulary we free ourselves from the old beliefs and old patterns. I dont do housework I home care, I dont go to work I go to share my skills and get paid for that, I dont look after the kids I mother them, I dont cook I provide a tasty source of nourishment for people, the list is endless. All those things that were burdens and chore can be sources of joy and pleasure and things that create happiness for ourselves and others if we just change the way we think about them. We all have to power to change our thinking. My poor frozen brain has indeed thawed I am carefully channeling the melt waters to create fertile fields with the help of some good people and professional. The melt-waters need not wash away the environment I have created for myself in which I can be well. I can look at this part of my journey as learning to channel this new-found awakening of my self.
So off I go to care for my home with love, and of course flash febreeze cotton fresh . A bit late in the evening to do all this perhaps but I rested for an hour and could not get to sleep thinking about how bad I would feel in the morning getting up to a totally uncared for home. I love my home, I love myself and I love my family. I can care for all of these. The next step on my journey is to learn to love that job I once love but came to hated. I want to share my skills and be rewarded in cash for that and so that I can go off on that fabulous journey I have been planning while I was too scared to leave the house. the internet is a wonderful thing for people like me I have been to the fairy mountains in turkey, to the top of the andes, to so many museums and art galleries and all in the comfort of my own home. I look forward to the day when I can go there for real, when I have the money, the time and the energy to do that. For now I will be content to get out as far as white strand and watch the egrets, look at the tide ebb and flow and be grateful that I can enjoy that again.
Happy middle of the night. Todays blog was brought to you courtesy of Vivaldi, Chopin and of course the ever lovely Bach. The brandenburg concerto is perhaps the loveliest piece of music I ever heard and of course the perfect accompaniment to home caring.
So go off and turn those chores into pleasures, Huck Finn had the right idea make then fight for the right to paint the fence.
1) welcoming and calm porch
2) bike put away
3)clean and well stocked kitchen
4) almost empty laundry basket
5)almost full wardrobes and drawers
6) clear hall stairs and landing
7)some completed some uncompleted projects
8)cosy front room
9)creative space room /dining room
10) bedroom lovely and welcoming
When I arrived home today the porch was like a bomb had hit it, the bike abandoned by the front door, chaos in the kitchen and almost no food except for the ingredients to make cookies, two overflowing laundry hampers, clean cloths in baskets and almost empty wardrobes, and generally a home in need of care. For the last two weeks things have been a little chaotic, lots of events and a huge wake up call for me in terms of my children's behavior. A clean home is important but I forgot the motto of balance, I forgot to do the things that have helped me to get well, Routine, caring for myself , my family and my home, aiming for average, not too high and not too low, avoidance of extremes. Oh god I thought as I came in the door am I back at square one again. Here I am overdoing things and neglecting the cleaning again. I wondered if the neglect was a sign of me reaching the top of the abyss again. But I have come so far from that abyss I can almost no longer remember it. I have learned the lessons of asking for help, I have learned to use the times of good energy levels to prepare for the times of depletion. I am now almost at a point financially that things will be tight but while I discussed this with my brother I recalled that I put a contingency plan in place a few weeks ago in the even that I would not be ready to return to work. I prepared a file on all the cut backs necessary and a list of who to contact on what. I can ask someone to help me implement that. I have also been able to ask people to help me clean the house. I do not feel embarrassed to say my energy levels are low today, I am drained I need to replenish myself can you please help me to tidy up.
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| http://whenpigsfly-returns.blogspot.com/2010/10/wonder-womantv-show.html |
I have come to realise that I am not wonder-woman but I can when the need arises put on my giant blue knickers, pick up my lasso of truth and tap into her spirit. She was in fact created to inspire girls. I loved that programme as a child and it is so different from some of the less than positive messages children receive today. Today they are overly sexualized at a young age and I will leave the rant about this to another time and another blog when I am fully recovered.
One of the lessons that I learned is to let time pass. Time is a great healer and trying to rush a return to health is a mistake. Hurry up and get better is not something many health care professionals will say , generally it is take your time and you will get better. So I am almost better now. I have been at 99.999% better for so long. I have tried to force the .001% but it has proved to be elusive. It is hiding for me until I can apply the recovery lessons to all aspects of my life and I become a fully integrated person. Compatmentaliseing my life was the way I coped for so long, probably because I was not fully comfortable to me this me to everyone. Yes I am a bit innocent and gullible, yes I have slightly unusual ideas, yes I do not follow the traditional role for women, yes I am a poor money manager, yes I take too much on, yes I only see the good in others, yes I am very rigid in my views sometimes, yes I have some strange hobbies but that all goes up to make me the person I am. I am totally crap at housework but I am good at home-caring. If we change our vocabulary we free ourselves from the old beliefs and old patterns. I dont do housework I home care, I dont go to work I go to share my skills and get paid for that, I dont look after the kids I mother them, I dont cook I provide a tasty source of nourishment for people, the list is endless. All those things that were burdens and chore can be sources of joy and pleasure and things that create happiness for ourselves and others if we just change the way we think about them. We all have to power to change our thinking. My poor frozen brain has indeed thawed I am carefully channeling the melt waters to create fertile fields with the help of some good people and professional. The melt-waters need not wash away the environment I have created for myself in which I can be well. I can look at this part of my journey as learning to channel this new-found awakening of my self.
So off I go to care for my home with love, and of course flash febreeze cotton fresh . A bit late in the evening to do all this perhaps but I rested for an hour and could not get to sleep thinking about how bad I would feel in the morning getting up to a totally uncared for home. I love my home, I love myself and I love my family. I can care for all of these. The next step on my journey is to learn to love that job I once love but came to hated. I want to share my skills and be rewarded in cash for that and so that I can go off on that fabulous journey I have been planning while I was too scared to leave the house. the internet is a wonderful thing for people like me I have been to the fairy mountains in turkey, to the top of the andes, to so many museums and art galleries and all in the comfort of my own home. I look forward to the day when I can go there for real, when I have the money, the time and the energy to do that. For now I will be content to get out as far as white strand and watch the egrets, look at the tide ebb and flow and be grateful that I can enjoy that again.
Happy middle of the night. Todays blog was brought to you courtesy of Vivaldi, Chopin and of course the ever lovely Bach. The brandenburg concerto is perhaps the loveliest piece of music I ever heard and of course the perfect accompaniment to home caring.
So go off and turn those chores into pleasures, Huck Finn had the right idea make then fight for the right to paint the fence.
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