why do I get stuck, What brings back the thoughts of dread and despair. This morning it happened again. For weeks I did not dread the mornings anymore but today it happened. I could not get out of bed I just lay there going through many scenarios which worry me. On a rational level I know and understand what I am doing but something triggers it off, so what was it this time??????????? Did I overdo it again, is it because I am not eating properly, or not shopping so that I eat well, why has the resentment returned, or maybe it is the insidious perfectionism. I must get better? I must feel well? Or is it the return of the problems of last year that sent me to hide in the dark cave. that place was not nice but it is familiar. Why am I tempted back there? Do I want to go back and live in that cave?????? How did I get out of it in the first place?????
1) I got put of bed and stayed out, yesterday I thought that a day in bed would be nice. Oh I felt so awful after it. The house was covered in wood-chips from the guinea pig and my teenager smelled of drink when I went to pick her up. Not a good thing.
2) I took walks, I have not been for a morning walk in about two weeks. So time to go out.
3) I cooked and took pleasure in creating nice food for me and the family. Chips from the takeaway are not good for anything.
4) I watched my weight. I have put on at least 10 pounds all on my thighs and tummy so I feel fat. I am annoyed with myself for that. All my hard work at weight watchers loosing two stone and look at me now. Time to change that I think.
5) I forgave myself for my inadequacies. Ah this is the one that resonates with me most. I need to forgive myself for putting on weight and not eating properly. Its ok. Remember the aim is average not perfect. We all slip back. We all have slips but we dont need to stay in the gutter.
6) I forgot to sing, I made a play list for these moments , secular songs of joy. Right now lean on me is playing now as I write. Time for me to get out of the cave of despair, stop wallowing in the mud and have a bit of a dance around to the sound of cheerful music.
So now I am off to dance to happy music naked in my kitchen and admire my rediscovered very wobbly thighs and belly, in the hope that loving them will ease their pain. The exercise will do them good anyway. Perhaps belly dancing would be a nice new healthy hobby. Maybe I will dress up like a belly dancer instead much more fun.
Oh god blogging is good for the soul and less complicated than my previous unhealthy hobbies. Wow working out where I went wrong is better than orgasms , well maybe not. ; -}
Happy Monday
1) I got put of bed and stayed out, yesterday I thought that a day in bed would be nice. Oh I felt so awful after it. The house was covered in wood-chips from the guinea pig and my teenager smelled of drink when I went to pick her up. Not a good thing.
2) I took walks, I have not been for a morning walk in about two weeks. So time to go out.
3) I cooked and took pleasure in creating nice food for me and the family. Chips from the takeaway are not good for anything.
4) I watched my weight. I have put on at least 10 pounds all on my thighs and tummy so I feel fat. I am annoyed with myself for that. All my hard work at weight watchers loosing two stone and look at me now. Time to change that I think.
5) I forgave myself for my inadequacies. Ah this is the one that resonates with me most. I need to forgive myself for putting on weight and not eating properly. Its ok. Remember the aim is average not perfect. We all slip back. We all have slips but we dont need to stay in the gutter.
6) I forgot to sing, I made a play list for these moments , secular songs of joy. Right now lean on me is playing now as I write. Time for me to get out of the cave of despair, stop wallowing in the mud and have a bit of a dance around to the sound of cheerful music.
So now I am off to dance to happy music naked in my kitchen and admire my rediscovered very wobbly thighs and belly, in the hope that loving them will ease their pain. The exercise will do them good anyway. Perhaps belly dancing would be a nice new healthy hobby. Maybe I will dress up like a belly dancer instead much more fun.
Oh god blogging is good for the soul and less complicated than my previous unhealthy hobbies. Wow working out where I went wrong is better than orgasms , well maybe not. ; -}
Happy Monday
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