Oh god did I hit a bump. I feel the need to return to work. I feel well enough to deal with most of the the normal day to day things, if I plan and manage my energy levels and reactions well. When I decided that I would plan on a return to work it was as if I opened the flood gates of fear and trepidation. The feelings of dread that I associated with work started to return. The stomach churning what will go wrong today. The who will give out to me, what ambush is there, how will I get my teenager up in the morning. How can I live through the verbal abuse of each morning. Will I arrive drained into work as I used to only to be greeted by a barrage of complaints and an endless flow of people clamoring for my attention. Had I learned nothing from all this??????
I have learned lots. I just need to apply the lessons to the world of work. What did I do to get me to this happy place and how can I stay there. How do I stay with myself and be healthy. How do I transpose the lovely routine I have developed for myself into a similar one for work. I Like to start the day with breakfast and music. I like to take the time to greet the day with love. I like to listen to the radio, to uplifting things and happy music, I love colour, I love to cook nice food for myself, I like to have a place to relax when I come in , a nice cup of peppermint tea, some fruit, a walk, take some photos create something nice, light an oil burner. I used to wonder how one of my colleagues managed to listen to opera and have scented oils in her office. It seemed so indulgent. now I realise it was a necessary part of her life, so why not do it at work too. Look at Mick Wallace. His pink shirts and huge debts. He seems at odds with the world of how things have always been done. His fresh eyes can give us all guidance on how we can look at our worlds afresh and not just do what has always been done just because it was done in that way. I think it is time to realistically look at the things that cause me stress in the work place and in my life. Just keeping going is not enough for me anymore. I want to live the life I have lived for the last month, one where I plan ahead, where I have dreams and expectations, one where I see beauty and have fun, one where I connect with people. I no longer want to conform to my idea of the expectations of others. What ever their expectations are I cannot know unless they tell me. So no more second guessing anyone. No more second guessing myself. I have choices. I can ask them what their expectations are. I can listen to what they ask me. I can ask them to repeat things if I am unsure. I can tell people my expectations and if people judge them to be unreasonable I can check with someone I trust.
Now that I can listen to myself I am ready to listen to others.
Happy Friday
I have learned lots. I just need to apply the lessons to the world of work. What did I do to get me to this happy place and how can I stay there. How do I stay with myself and be healthy. How do I transpose the lovely routine I have developed for myself into a similar one for work. I Like to start the day with breakfast and music. I like to take the time to greet the day with love. I like to listen to the radio, to uplifting things and happy music, I love colour, I love to cook nice food for myself, I like to have a place to relax when I come in , a nice cup of peppermint tea, some fruit, a walk, take some photos create something nice, light an oil burner. I used to wonder how one of my colleagues managed to listen to opera and have scented oils in her office. It seemed so indulgent. now I realise it was a necessary part of her life, so why not do it at work too. Look at Mick Wallace. His pink shirts and huge debts. He seems at odds with the world of how things have always been done. His fresh eyes can give us all guidance on how we can look at our worlds afresh and not just do what has always been done just because it was done in that way. I think it is time to realistically look at the things that cause me stress in the work place and in my life. Just keeping going is not enough for me anymore. I want to live the life I have lived for the last month, one where I plan ahead, where I have dreams and expectations, one where I see beauty and have fun, one where I connect with people. I no longer want to conform to my idea of the expectations of others. What ever their expectations are I cannot know unless they tell me. So no more second guessing anyone. No more second guessing myself. I have choices. I can ask them what their expectations are. I can listen to what they ask me. I can ask them to repeat things if I am unsure. I can tell people my expectations and if people judge them to be unreasonable I can check with someone I trust.
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| the joys of jellyfishing |
Now that I can listen to myself I am ready to listen to others.
Happy Friday
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