I have become very aware of other peoples anger, resentment and rage. I hear their frustrations on why the world is so harsh to them, why other people should behave in a better way, why others should change, why the world should bend to their ways. I started this blog around two months ago to try to express some of my feelings and as a way of tracking my progress. I have not returned to work yet and I missed thinking about things and doing things. I realised I enjoyed quite a lot of my job and was seeking a way to get my brain back in the right gear to work again. I had that startling realisation of what it was to let go and ever since that day I have tried to let go of all my stuff that I have been carrying around for so long. At my counselling session last week I was lead through an exercise to help me join up two opposing parts of me. It was one of the best moments of my life as my creative side and my procedural sides merged and grew together and finally came to rest together. I did obviously resist the joining up by the splitting of the blog but I caught myself up and I am alert to the signs that I sabotaging myself. I have noticed many people who are not joined up this week, I have noticed many people reacting with rage, resentment and anger. Right now I am working on living a life free of that and I welcome calmness, acceptance, and inner peace. I no longer wish to be driven by out word approval but by myself awareness, self acceptance and self love. What will a life free of these things bring me? What will a life truly loved for myself be like????? I have been reconnecting with all the parts of myself and putting an adult perspective on the many parts of my inner child that was scared and hurt. I am now a grown up. It is such a lovely thing to be at the age of 43. I wonder what a world of people all at ease with themselves would be like. A world where its ok for everyone to be themselves, free from greed, exploitation, judgement, guilt, shame, anger, fear, rage, unbridled materialism, competitiveness, bullying, blame and the myriad of other negative emotions. Am I turning into Pollyanna or am I just looking for the impossible. Last summer a friend told me his parents gave him the great gift of peace of mind. He brought me to a place where I experienced that too, but it was fleeting, but it was beautiful. What would the world be like if we all had peace of mind. Oh mam give all that hippy shit a rest is the answer my daughter would give, but recently she has been listen to john Lennon's imagine, X would say that will never happen because ..... and give me some answer he beliefs to be an absolute truth rather than an opinion probably based on his belief that most people will exploit most other people. My inner child would say yippee will there be bubbles and ice cream there? my inner parent would say, in fact my actual only living parent would say;peace of mind is all very well but have you got the school uniform s ready for tomorrow???? Well have you???? I now recognise when I project myself onto others and it is fun to imagine what they would say but I do not know what they are thinking and never will unless I ask and they tell me. What if they said that would be wonderful a world full of people at peace with themselves, I am glad that you have found peace, I hope that I will too.
I attended a wellness seminar yesterday and my counselling session today. Yesterday I learned about mindfulness minutes. To give ourselves 5 one minute mindfulness minutes throughout the day. I also learned that you need to work at wellness all the time. I have finished the first stage of my journey now. I am well again. Stage 2 is to learn how to stay well. That will be such an exciting journey. A wonderful life. I will meet such nice friendly, open, caring, peaceful and joyful people on it, I will also meet the opposite and all the spectrum in between. I think I might pause here a little catch my breath and enjoy a few moments of calm say farewell to the past and take the brave step into the future like the fool into the unknown and start on the next stage in my cycle of life.
Wherever you are and whatever stage of life you are at remember that the only certainty is change. If we stay stuck in our rut we will never venture off the road and see the flowers, birds and other possible paths and parts of our lives. I no longer regret all the blinkered years of single-mindedness. I did what I had to do to keep going, but now that I am complete and all joined up I go forward with an open mind , open to all the wonderful opportunities and possibilities out there, the ones that will help me have a wonderful life. I matter because I am Jane, because I exist, because my life and my being enriches the lives of others and without me the world would not be the same place. I value my uniqueness. Today I realised that my children needed me more now than when they were babies. I am glad that I am a grown up and can help them to grow up too , but not too soon and not before their time. My one wish for them is that they learn how to be mindful and self accepting at a far younger age than I did and in so doing break the transgenerational cycle of shame and guilt.
I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back an' pretend
'cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again
CHORUS
Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman
You can bend but never break me
'cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul
CHORUS
I am woman watch me grow
See me standing toe to toe
As I spread my lovin' arms across the land
But I'm still an embryo
With a long long way to go
Until I make my brother understand
Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to I can face anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman
Oh, I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong
FADE
I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong
I am woman
I am woman.
An this is a ne one for me but I learned to upload youtube video today and who can resist kareoke.
Would you belive this was originally recoreded by a man only to become such a female anthem.
I just want to dance around the kitchen to this.
True beauty and power.
Who could not fail to love that.
The last one is for the little child in us all who still has the imagination to believe in magic wands.
Happy Friday
I am strong I am invincible, I am woman
So go off and get in touch with your womanliness, yes you can do it even if you are male ;-)
No comments:
Post a Comment