The anxiety fairy has been visiting me again. I named her Tina, not sure why. After discussing my recent visit from Tina my x explained that maybe I am not experiencing anxiety but excitement, and perhaps I am mixing up the two. As I am recovering I am having bursts of energy and I end up getting confused as I do not know what to do with it. I was discussing some of my pie in the sky ideas with someone today and we decided that we needed to invent a pie in the sky catching machine. I am a very practical woman but I do often have flights of fancy. I go from a to z without looking at the middle steps. I am not as methodical as I would like to be sometimes. So again I need to balance my fanciful ideas with the practicalities of everyday life. I looked at a cottage yesterday, I am not at work, my finances are in a bit of a confusing state;pie in the sky perhaps. But tomorrow I have meeting with someone to help me with the money side of my life. That should set the ball rolling on that. My pie in the sky is perhaps the stuff of fantasy but the creative side of me can in fact make very lovely pie. The imaginative side of me can think of all sort of ways of putting pie up in the sky, on a plane; that would be in the sky, or perhaps I could catapult it up very high with one of those old fashioned roman or is that greek or perhaps byzantine catapults. Maybe the pie is already in the sky and I just need to lasoo it and bring it down to earth. I could create a machine for catching pies in the sky .
There is more than one way of looking at anything. My pie in the sky ideas can distract me from the practicalities of life, but it is fun to dream. Today I will open a new file on the aquisition of a permanent home suitable for me and my family and some animals. I was given a pep talk by x on my being one of the most compentant peole he knows. I keep being reminded by people that when I put my mind to it I can do anything I set my mind to. That single minded determination that kept me going for so long can be put to good use. I was scared to be too single minded again as it lead me here. I now have an open mind , I notice things again, so perhaps I will not fall back into the idea that there is only one way of doing things.
Today a pair of bullfinches were in the garden. I noticed the beautiful flash of his breast. It was such a vivid red and so unlike the the red of a robin. It was hard to describe; it was a more vivid pinky red with very subtle tones of mango, rather than the rusty red of the robin. I think he noticed me too and he hopped up onto my windowsill to say hello. He turned his head around to have a good look at me and me and the bullfinch had a moment, not unlike the wolf/mr fox moment in film of fantastic mr fox. He had beautiful black eyes. It was lovely to connect with a fellow creature in that way. I used to think of birds as the least sentient of creatures but over the last few months I realised that they are just as curious about me as I am about them. I digress, back to the point. I have opened my mind to the possibility that my life can be different. The challange now is to realise that it will be a bit strange for me for a little while, getting used to being well. I might need to pick up the pieces of the life I left behind. My behavior has affected many people, I do not live in isolation from the world. I did the best I knew how at the time. Perhaps there was loads of help there for me all the time but I just was not aware, perhaps I looked for help from the wrong people, or in the wrong place, or perhaps many beliefs were such that I could neither accept or ask for help. Today I will give myself a break. I went gung-ho to solve a problem last week, exactly as I had done in the past. I did not stop to consider if it was the best solution.
Perhaps it is time to slow down. To stop and have a moment with the bullfinches of this world. To be a little more patient and not to be so single minded in the solution to any problem or idea.
Perhaps I do not need to put the pie in the sky, maybe I could just put it up a tree instead. It would be easier! Or perhaps I could leave the pie in the sky that is there already and bake my own pie here on earth. I have some very nice rhubarb so perhaps a rhubarb and custard pie, or better yet a rhubarb and custard crumble, yummy. The last bit is not a metaphor :-)
So off you go and decide to do with your own pie in the sky, maybe lasso pie just like George Bailey lassoing the moon. . Or just perhaps leave the pies in the sky and just admire them from afar.
Happy Wednesday.
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