small steps to success-letting go

For the last 4 months I have searched for myself.  

Last week I stopped looking. 

As is the case once you stop looking you often find the thing you lost. 

It happened when I stopped forcing myself to reappear and just let go.  I read about letting go, I tried to let go, I tried to force myself to let go, and finally when I had exhausted every method I could think of I gave up trying.  LOL , that is what letting go is all about.  It is like flinging yourself off a great height and not thinking about what the landing will be like, or where you will end up, or if someone will be there to catch you, or if you will crash onto the rocks and smash, or a million other things that come into the exhausted brain.  

For me letting go was like flopping backwards into an abyss and discovering that, instead of being crushed on the rocks, I was being cradled gently in a soft fluffy feather and floating on a warm gentle breeze. I had forgotten about all the feathers I had laid out to catch myself when I fell, about all the feathers others had sent to catch me, about all the good things in the world, about all the kindness and compassion out in the world.  It is there for everyone when they are open to it.  I had heard and read that so often, I never understood it on an emotional level.  I read so much, too much, I tried to understand it , instead I needed to feel it.  So often that wonderful brain of ours tries so hard to understand that it shuts off our emotions as they are so painful.  It is only trying to protect us.  But its ok to feel even if those feelings are painful, because we can let go of the feelings, just like we can let go of the baggage, fling it off train, out of the window, into the sea, anywhere where we want. 

So I let go, I gave myself permission to let the tension go, forget about all the things I need to do, let go of my expectations, of the expectations of others, of all those limiting beliefs, of all the things that do not make me happy, of the grief for the past, of the broken relationships, of the unhealthy things that keep me down, of the limits others have set for me, of the guilt, the sadness, the failures, the success, the achievements, the shame, the embarrassment, the hope, the things that I thought defined me, the perfectionism, the need for approval, the worry about money, the worry about the children, the insanity of the stolen relationship, the waiting for that text, the stress of what other bad news is going to reveal itself next; all the things that weighed me down.  I threw away the baggage.  I laid down the burden.  It is my fervent wish that I never pick it up again. 

I came back to myself when I let go. 

So let go, float, be free, every day is a new day. 

Let go of yesterday and take another small step forward.  Another step to a successful recovery of yourself. Remember that when you stay with yourself you are never alone.

While I was writing this I listened to Cat Stephens Morning has Broken.  It is uplifting and soothing. If you are reading this try playing it now and float away.